Media Black Out As Police Run Riot

It was a freezing cold, grey and almost snowy day on Saturday as the Met woke up to face old rivals, London Media writes roving reporter Billy Billyard. Thoughts of the frozen muddy pitch prompted some of the weaker players, who shall remain almost nameless (Will Yay) to ask whether the game would be cancelled due to the inclement conditions and fears of frostbite to nether regions. However, it was not to be and the Met visited Battersea Park with something of a score to settle over the Media boys who managed to get one over the Met at the beginning of the season.

A thoughtful coach Hicks was handing out hand warmers to the aforementioned weaker members to looks of disgust and comments of “they don’t make em like they used to” from some of the older bulls. These molly-coddled probationers clearly never had to walk around Soho at 3am on a February morning naked but a wooden baton and a cape (cue large inhalation of cigarette).

The game started woefully for the Met; failing to gather the kick off and allowing Media’s impressive prop to gather and make inroads. Minutes later the same prop took a lovely inside line in the Mets' 22 and went round the full back (he was seriously quick, honest twelfth!) to score the first try. The Met had failed to defend around the fringes of the ruck and were rightly punished. The Media had the first five points for what could be a remarkable story.

MPRFC resorted to game plan 1 and pushed the ball out wide to Holloway. He proceeded to get absolutely smashed by Media’s outside centre. If Holloway was trash…then he had just been taken out and placed in the trash can. And then into the garbage truck. And then deposited into the recycling plant. You get the idea. With about five minutes gone of the game this was looking like it could be a long afternoon for the Met. The Met hastily tried game plan number two; to push the ball out wide to Holloway a bit earlier. With sad inevitability Holloway once again got smashed into the middle of next week by his opposite man. Batteredsea (sic) Dogs Home almost had a new resident. The Met was going to have to resort to game plan 3. And game plan 3 turned out to be pretty damn good.

The fightback started with some typically strong running up the middle from Richards and Healy. This drove the Police into Media's 22 and here the Met patiently worked through the phases. There was no panic, there was lovely clean recycled ball, and then there were some big carries sucking in defenders from the pack. Media have always been a big set of lads, but they have never enjoyed being run at. The Met had woken up and realised this. Finally. Its only taken about 5 years!

And so; despite the cold, despite the awful first few minutes, despite Will Yay and Jamie O secreting "Hicksy’s handwarmers" in places that no none wants to search, and despite the weight of history regarding this biannual fixture, MPRFC suddenly turned into a completely different machine. It was as if the team had suddenly gone from the useless gobby probationer and transformed into the smooth talking veteran area car driver within a mere phase of rugby.

First up was Healy deploying some typically arrogant route-one runs into the midfield. Luckily, the Media 13 was too busy engaging in some weird alpha male off with Holloway about who had the best body so completely missed Healy’s pasty non-chest ghosting past him. Over the line and a first score for the Met. Connelly converted. 5-7 Met.

Media came back but the Met’s defence was typically strong and despite being camped in their 22 only gave away a penalty which was missed. From the 22 re start the Met came back with intent to assault the Media try line. Billyard made a break up the right wing, chipped through and promptly fell over. When he looked up Dylan had somehow scored. Interception? Who knows! Conversion? Who knows! 5-14.

Again the Met continued strongly from the kick off. The Met worked the phases and played to the plan. The big boys taking it up the middle and providing clean quick ball to Simon Hall. Honourable mentions to Blears, Byrne, Everton and Routledge. The Met waited patiently and gradually made their way into Media's 22 again utilising their big runners up the middle. Once we were ready and we had forced the mismatches out wide then out the ball went. Will Yay took a lovely inside line and crashed through; three would-be tacklers clinging onto him, like a good old fashioned Met bundle. He was as surprised as everyone else when he crashed over the line to score. It would appear that his beach muscles werent just for show after all! Connelly continued to add the kick, 5-21.

The Met had really started to fly now. Flying. Like a Squad. Playing off a dominant pack gave the Met backs the perfect foundation to run and stretch their legs. The front row of Davies, Blears and Baldwin were more than holding their own against arguably the bigger pack.

The Met were also being very combative at the break down and forcing turnover ball. L Bolton in particular was being his niggly annoying self and did a cracking job at slowing Media down and providing quick ball for Hall at 9. Older brother, Gavin Bolton had now TOAd to get himself a bit of the action to ensure that little bro couldn't completely take the glory. He further shored up the scrum, set pieces and doubled the average age of the team. A couple more tries from Healy and a newly invigorated Holloway and the Met went into the half time bristling with confidence and 5 tries to 1 up. Coach Hicks was rubbing his hands like Hannibal when a plan finally comes together (or it might have been the hand warmers). His sage words at the break were to carry on playing to the plan, play the territory, work the overlaps and the mismatches would appear. Above all, do not fall asleep, think the game won and let them score a try straight after the restart.

The Met promptly fell asleep, thought the game won, and let Media score straight from the re start...sigh..

Now in games gone by this could have been a real danger point for the Met, especially against Media. The Police have been in this position before with Media (and other teams) and this has been the chink in the cell door that has given the opponent a get out of jail free card and a romp to victory (ed - this is Monopoly and definitely not job chat!). However, this was merely to be a blip and the Met confronted this slight set back with some more well worked tries. Perhaps this is a sign of a newly mature Met game plan; there was no panic, and the Police didn't try to over play the game. Connelly regained territory with some perfectly aligned kicks back into Media's half. These kicks were always followed up with some strong covering tackles on Media’s back three so further pinning them back. From the strong set pieces the Met were well set up to keep the scoreboard moving. And then they really started to cut loose.

Yay went over again. Wayne entered the fray and did a bit of smashing himself from the restarts. Billyard, making a welcome return at full-back, went over with a lovely move straight off the training paddock; there were whispers of ‘he’s still got it’ and ‘he never lost it’ although it might have been him doing the whispering, Holloway clearly won the alpha male contest and scooped 3 more touchdowns. Perhaps he does do cardio workouts after all?!! L Bolt deservedly scored a cheeky little forwards try, rewarding his outstanding work at the break down and Joel out paced his winger to add the final and twelfth try. Connelly nailed 10 of the conversions, leading to a final score of 17-80.

Perhaps the score was a little unfair to Media as they started really well and are always great opponents that the Met enjoy having a good tussle with. They are exceptional hosts and the Met team hugely enjoy Battersea beers post game, basing many a season social after the away trip.

Reigate next up. Hopefully the Met can keep up this quality of rugby for the remainder of the season with some tough fixtures on the horizon.